Life in Pictures

I’m a late adopter when it comes to emoji. Early on they were just emoters (later called emoticons) ASCII characters arranged into pictographs. The early ones were about expressing emotions, and I was raised to think that’s what words were for. (Holy fluffy kitten marshmallow clouds, it’s a glorious day!) Also the classic smilie ( :) or :-) )* was something intentionally sent rather than an automatic response, and this always felt less happy or friendly and more like someone’s trying to sell me something.

Then came Emoji. Due to an amazing coincidence, they sound like they’re related to emoticons, but they’re not, rather Emoji is a Japanese term for pictograph. And yes, emoticons are pictographic, but they come from different origins. This is belied by how the early standardized unicode emoji are about Japan and Japanese life, and not western life. (For instance, the foods include four kinds of rice (🍘 = rice cracker, 🍙 = rice ball, 🍚 = cooked rice and, 🍛 = curry and rice)*. Americans don’t eat that much rice. Though 🍟 are conspicuously french fries in McDonald’s large-sized branding.

So according to my sweetheart’s 12-year-old daughter, 🍆 is a penis.

I mean, it’s technically an aubergine (an eggplant here in the states) but when she wants to talk about penises with her peers, they use 🍆. I expect it’s less awkward or clinical (maybe faster) than spelling it out P-E-N-I-S, and using a vegetable emoji is less vulgar than the current vernacular dick as in don’t be such a… or cock as in I can’t help that I want so much…

To be fair, part of the point of emoji is that it’s shorthand, taking less space and maybe even taking less time to type. Personally referring to my own bits as 🍆 would feel like I’m over-promising. Also the 🍌 is more standard around these parts for indicating a man’s junk. They don’t do too many condom demos on eggplants, do they?

My hope is that folks are being more creative than 😲 Monika was such a 🍆 to you last 🌛 Or 😠 👉 👄 a 🍆 U 🐕

Actually that last one was pretty creative. It could be that I don’t like hostile, derisive language, and so when I imagine 12-year-olds talking about 🍆 (pre-teens of my imagination not to be confused with actual pre-teens) they’re not suggesting who is one, or should go off and suck one, but rather talking about the exciting things people do with 🍆.

Fucking. Thus:

😲 Vincent is so 🐱 I would 🎠 his 🚅 from 🌍 ➡➡➡ 🌎 💛💚💙💜❤

🆒 ⛔ 🔩 until U R ✔ ✔ ✔ 👍 🆒 but can we still 💏 👐 🍈🍈?

We were all 💏
And I was all 😄
And he was all 🗼 and 👐
And I was all 💓💓💓
But then he went 🚅 ⤵
And I was 🚦
And I 👀
And he was totally 📴
And I went
And he was
And I was 🚧
And he went 😡
He was all about the 🏀🏁🏆
And I said
And he went all 😠
And I was all 😭
And I thought he was gonna 💥
So I 🏃 and now I’m 😢 and 👣👣👣 and 👀 4 a 🚏
And I need a 🙋 and a 🚗

💞 If we 💏 this 🌇 Imahis 🚀 2 🌌 💞

Hmmm… needs more 🌋 🎆 and 🍨

* Emoters are now such an established part of our language now that WordPress does me the service of converting the plaintext ASCII smilies to emoji (like this: 🙂 )

** The Unicode standard emoji set is still a work in progress, evidently. None of the above pictures show up on my webbrowser (Firefox). I’ll need to find a way to confirm them before I post. This may be an Emoji are from Japan but computers are from America situation in which implementation of pictures used in the west took priority. Also ❤ is officially called a heavy black heart even though it’s displayed as red. This one: 🖤 will be an actual black heart in Unicode-9 circa 2016, or so I am told.

The 🥒 (or cucumber / gherkin) will only be available this year…maybe. On the distaff side the 🌮 (or taco) was only made available in 2015, so it may not yet be supported by your emoji set. There’s 🍔 which I never liked, but I’m not big for 🌮 either. 🍯 is a classic, though these days it refers to blackmail traps.

Do U wanna 🔬📚 at my 🏠 this 🌇 where in this case {🔬📚} = {🍝💏🚀💙🚄💋💖🔩(🍬 + 🎶)🌋🎆💜⛲🌠💕🎉} + 🍨?

Update It turns out my rice dishes were wrong (I had ,   and ༵ respectively). iPhones and iPads were able to show the tacos, but not these. So I checked and found they were each x10000 short.

The aforementioned preteen confirmed that 🍆 is in fact a pejorative, and used less (at least not by her or her peers) to revel in newfound excitement regarding genitalia.

Also, among more recent entries is the 🌶 yet another classic penis metaphor.

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