🔵Microsoft : Hello!
🔵Microsoft : Didn’t you get my last message?
238U: Is that the one you clickwrapped in your new Terms of Service? Um. No. I didn’t get that message.
🔵Microsoft : What? Oh yeah. That message. That was an important message. You should open it and read it.
238U: No doubt.
🔵Microsoft : No, I’m talking about the newer one.
238U: No messages recently. On one hand, it’s was nice and quiet. On the other, it’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
🔵Microsoft : You miss me!
238U: That’s…an interpretation.
🔵Microsoft : But you didn’t get the message?
238U: No. Did you send it by email?
🔵Microsoft : No. On IE11
238U: Really! You deliberately monitor how often I use IE11. Which is never because (for one) I don’t like web-browsers that monitor my usage. And yet, from this data you figured the best way to contact me is through the webbrowser I specifically avoid?
🔵Microsoft : Maybe that’s a reason you should use IE11. To get my messages.
238U: We’ve had this conversation. Twice. I’m not in a hurry to get messages from you. So when you do, try emailing me like a normal person.
🔵Microsoft : But I like having a special line to you.
238U: It creeps me out!
🔵Microsoft : It’s innovative!
238U: Update 3146449. Is this the message?
🔵Microsoft : It’s the message client. Yes.
238U: It’s a client for advertising and installing Windows 10.
🔵Microsoft : You really should upgrade. It’s really fresh!
238U: Not ever. Privacy-violating terms of service.
🔵Microsoft : For running Cortana. You’d like her.
238U: Um, no.
🔵Microsoft : She’s hot.
🔵Microsoft : That’s not very nice.
238U: Microsoft, you’ve exhausted all the nice. I’m done with… Um, I can’t find update 3146449.
🔵Microsoft : Oh yeah. That’s because I put it in kb3139929.
🔵Microsoft : Sure.
238U: You stuck adware into a security patch?.
🔵Microsoft : How else would I get you to install it?
238U: This sort of bullshit is why I don’t talk to you anymore, Microsoft. No. I will never install Windows 10. Any future system of mine will probably be Mint or SteamOS. You can go away now, Microsoft. Next time use email. And nothing else!
🔵Microsoft : What did I do? Wait! I don’t get it!