Conversation With an Ex

🔵Microsoft : Hello!

238U: Um…hello?

🔵Microsoft : Didn’t you get my last message?

238U: Is that the one you clickwrapped in your new Terms of Service? Um. No. I didn’t get that message.

🔵Microsoft : What? Oh yeah. That message. That was an important message. You should open it and read it.

238U: No doubt.

🔵Microsoft : No, I’m talking about the newer one.

238U: No messages recently. On one hand, it’s was nice and quiet. On the other, it’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

🔵Microsoft : You miss me!

238U: That’s…an interpretation.

🔵Microsoft : But you didn’t get the message?

238U: No. Did you send it by email?

🔵Microsoft : No. On IE11

238U: Really! You deliberately monitor how often I use IE11. Which is never because (for one) I don’t like web-browsers that monitor my usage. And yet, from this data you figured the best way to contact me is through the webbrowser I specifically avoid?

🔵Microsoft : Maybe that’s a reason you should use IE11. To get my messages.

238U: We’ve had this conversation. Twice. I’m not in a hurry to get messages from you. So when you do, try emailing me like a normal person.

🔵Microsoft : But I like having a special line to you.

238U: It creeps me out!

🔵Microsoft : It’s innovative!

238U: Update 3146449. Is this the message?

🔵Microsoft : It’s the message client. Yes.

238U: It’s a client for advertising and installing Windows 10.

🔵Microsoft : You really should upgrade. It’s really fresh!

238U: Not ever. Privacy-violating terms of service.

🔵Microsoft : For running Cortana. You’d like her.

238U: Um, no.

🔵Microsoft : She’s hot.

238U: Some day someone is going to make Pepper Potts or GlaDOS into a digital assistant. Until then, I’m fine with OK Google

🔵Microsoft : That’s not very nice.

238U: Microsoft, you’ve exhausted all the nice. I’m done with… Um, I can’t find update 3146449.

🔵Microsoft : Oh yeah. That’s because I put it in kb3139929.

238U: Ah, here it… You stuck adware into a security patch?

🔵Microsoft : Sure.

238U: You stuck adware into a security patch?.

🔵Microsoft : How else would I get you to install it?

238U: This sort of bullshit is why I don’t talk to you anymore, Microsoft. No. I will never install Windows 10. Any future system of mine will probably be Mint or SteamOS. You can go away now, Microsoft. Next time use email. And nothing else!

🔵Microsoft : What did I do? Wait! I don’t get it!

what!?

what!?

Hello?

Hello?

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