It was between the time when the oceans drank Atlantis and the rise of the sons of Aryas in the days of the old republic. Great Satan didn’t fuck around. Plagues. Fires. Famines. Hungry bandits. Tyrannical kings. Foreign invasions. These were the instruments The Devil would fling at the blight-of-the-Earth that was Humanity.

Each of the angels had been individually hand-crafted to serve its function (to the extent that God had hands). Some say they were made of essential fire. Some say God took his own flesh and formed the angels of them (to the extent that God had flesh). Lucifer the Morningstar was the best and the brightest, and most general purpose. Darth Vader to God’s Palpatine, Lancelot to God’s Arthur, Gandalf to God’s… okay, Aragorn to God’s Gandalf.

Then God created Angels 2.0, in the form of Adam and Eve (It took a few tries). Weaker, but more efficient and self-sustaining. Stupider but more cooperative. Specialized, but self-replicating and self-organizing so that experts would be culled towards specific tasks. When you gave a task to an angel, it was done with perfect execution and sublime artistry. When you gave a task to these human taskdrones, they muddled around until it was eventually done. Half-assed.

But half-assed was what God wanted, mainly because it was free. The angels ran on God’s own light. These mortals ran on mud. God only had to tweak the controls once in a while and have a beer and watch the show (to the extent that God took in refreshment).

When you replace an old axe handle with a new one, the blade doesn’t really notice. When you upgrade old software with a new version, the old software doesn’t mind (…yet). But when you bring in the new puppy that everyone adores. The old dog recognizes that something is amiss. And Samael Who Cleaned Up Dirty Messes With Perfect Humility noticed that these new mud-blood plains-monkeys had caught God’s eye, and while yes He might depend on the sunlight, the human beast did too, in that it ate of flora (or fauna which ate of the flora) which depended on sunlight. And besides, take away the sun and see how fast the little wretches freeze. Please.

When God commanded that Moloch the Last Manager defer to the human apes, that was the last straw. He loved God and deferred only to God. The buck stopped with Him. This was a demotion without clear cause. No, this was getting fired and then rehired as a common thug while God was watching this stupid ape hive writhe and fester.

Obviously, God had gone off His rocker. Obviously God was mesmerized by His own creations and neglecting His prior pets. Obviously God needed a wake-up call. And some coffee (in as much God could be stimulated to reason by external influences)

It was time to do something.

It was time to annihilate this human menace.

The Church likes to posit that the fall of the First Angel was a matter of pride. And perhaps pride was a factor, through not one for which the Church can judge, as it has resented reformation and protestant schism and challenges by scientific observation. With knife and sword and fire the Church has resented challenges to its authority. By comparison, Adramelech Who Wore All The Lingerie and Lit All The Candles and Really Did Everything She Was Supposed To Do was as patient as the sea.

And it’s easy to pretend that God was not an active party: Perhaps if He didn’t want His angels to act like abandoned, neglected pets, He shouldn’t have crafted them to love in the first place. This not just a story of pride, but also a story of loneliness, of love, of cruelty and neglect, and of regret. This is the story of a love triangle when told from one who was engineered to love.

In the meantime, Earthquakes. Locusts. Long winters. Droughts. Fire from the sky. Sudden Firstborn Death Syndrome.

It is plausible that Pharaoh’s heart was hardened to the Hebrew plague / terror campaign because for Pharaoh it was Tuesday (well, Sopdet). Egypt is a big place, and there’s always an epidemic breakout. It’s a peculiar year if Egypt doesn’t have an agricultural blight and food rationing. How long has it been since the color-coded catastrophic disaster advisory dipped below Orange (High Risk of Disaster)? When the unexplained-bloody-river event is book-ended by a firestorm in Athribis and a Cairo earthquake it’s hard to notice. Rain of frogs in Bubastis? That was the highlight of the news-week. Let me tell you about the (unrelated) fog of flies in Latopolis…

Human resilience may also explain Set the Slithery Serpent Suzerain‘s changes of tactics in modern times. Humans are as hardy as cockroaches, at least when it comes to small time supernatural disasters. He’s going to have to get clever when it comes to creating an extinction level catastrophe. And perhaps the irony of humanity annihilating itself by its own hand is a twist too rich to resist.


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