Yesterday I was already facing issues of self worth and the (increasingly dubious) notion of the value of human life. Therapy today tore those scabs back open and I feel angry and sad and raw.
People with money and guns and authority behind them rule us now and they decide whether or not I and mine are worthy of life. When we discuss morality and human rights and human value, we say that we all have — or should have had — open access to life and liberty and all that crap one needs to sustain those things. We don’t, and our communities don’t even try, aiming to punish rape victims and bully victims rather than their aggressors. (Maybe rape is just grown-up bullying?)
We seem to respect only the gun, and until we choose to respect rights and equality more than the gun, we’re only going to get more gun. (I’m sure this has been said many times, regarding the sword, by ancient people of wisdom. But now we’re in the age of cowboys and cordite and drone strikes and — as of yesterday, robots with bombs.)
I’m not a gun guy. I’m not going to take arms against our state agencies as they betray the people. That’s not what I do. And this means I will lose respect from my peers, and may eventually be processed into internment and… evacuation.
My sweetheart is coming over tomorrow and I need to pull my shit together and I’m not doing it because I’m fucking angry and sad and raw. Oh and I’m supposed to be trying to move, and making efforts to that effect. But I’m fucking angry and sad and raw.
Now life devalues day by day
As friends and neighbors turn away
And there’s a change that, even with regret, cannot be undone