Cat: Yep. It’s depression.

My Subnautica runs have been becomming less satisfying as my framerate plummets. I wonder if it’s related to the number of bases I built. I stockpiled supplies (and then cheated when I realized the process of harvesting and transporting supplies was a routine, repetitive process), and now I have several, beautiful bases.

The game slows on its own as I pick up resources. Usually the game needs to be reset now and again anyway. But now resets aren’t restoring the framerate as much. Too much seabase. Too much seabase.

😻 got me Grim Dawn which is an action shoot-and-loot. On one hand it’s top down and a bit heavy handed on the dark and broody theme. On the other, its initial combat against zombies was pretty satisfying and it seems to have some keen western (cowboys and zombies) themes. I may start my run in it soon, especially if I can play Grim Dawn with 😻

Today, though, I didn’t feel like playing at all. I just wanted to hide in bed and nuzzle my cat.

Tussling with public transit was triggering when I realized my means to get to and from the local transit hub by bus are very limited (starting with a mile-long walk with little shade). The transit hub is four miles away, which is accessible by bicycle once I’m in better shape.

The other thing that’s triggering is the Gorsuch appointment. Currently, Neil Gorsuch is being reviewed by the Senate, and the alt-right is whooting over his alleged sharp responses to their alleged dumb questions. Generally, he’s expected to be a thoughtful if hard-right-leaning justice. But it really doesn’t matter to me whether or not he’s safe, or if he’s going to uphold Roe (my bigger fear is that he’s going to continue his trend so far in prioritizing corporate rights over human rights). It doesn’t matter to me whether he’ll be a good jurist on the Supreme Court, or he’ll be a total loose cannon.

What matters to me is that Senator McConnell led the GOP-controlled Senate to refused to even consider Obama appointees at all. They did this for about a year now, leaving not only the SCOTUS bench vacant, but also over a hundred other federal jurist positions. For the sake of partisanship and to spite President Obama, McConnell gutted the Federal judiciary, to its detriment (now our judges have been overworked for a year).

To me, Gorsuch’s confirmation hearings are an aberration, a result of bad faith behavior on behalf of the legislature, and letting him get confirmed would be rewarding iniquity.

I wonder how Gorsuch feels about it. He’s clearly a smart and thoughtful guy. He assuredly recognizes that that for his entire tenure on the bench, he will carry the stigma of being a paradoxical appointee. Maybe he hopes to overcome this disgrace though exemplary rulings as a judge. But some of his prior rulings suggest that he doesn’t exactly have his hand on the pulse of the people, or what is best for the United States. And he does seem to opine that if we pass a sucky law that means differently from its spirit we should suffer the sucky law until the legislature can get its act together to try again.

I wouldn’t trust him to the bench if I could avoid the risk.

To be fair, I already have no confidence in the US legal system (I don’t regard it a justice system anymore). It has already demonstrated that it favors convictions over fair adjudications. It has no love for evidence that rules out a suspect someone wants to convict.

As I’ve discussed before, the fate of a US citizen is often in the hands of prosecutors who unfavorably notice them. They get to choose when to prosecute petty crimes that carry heavy sentences, and do so based on their mood, their prejudicial dispositions and whether or not such a case might advance their career. Most people caught up in the criminal system get convicted and go to jail. And most of those acquitted are rich and are able to afford a robust defense.

So maybe it would be better if Democrats continued the GOP policy of refusing to confirm anyone that is not appointed by their own party. Block everything. Let the federal courts bleed out as benches empty.

Maybe the Democrats should adopt De Layan tactics of unifying Democratic legislatures (by threats, bribery and blackmail if necessary) to attain solidarity as as a unified bulwark against the GOP agenda, (blocking travel and refugees; exiling or jailing non-whites and non-affluent; discontinuing medical care services and social safety nets; promoting police disregard for human rights; especially at the borders.) The current GOP platform is about as awful as it gets.

Our democracy is hardly even a farce of government by the people, and the Gorsuch appointment is the latest indicator the great experiment has failed. For now, I wonder if we’ll find a way to reform it, or if we’re fated to simply revolt against it, and then massacre each other as warring factions until no-one lives that wants to fight anymore. And then maybe we’ll try again. Or not.

I ramble too much. I wonder if it’s worth caring at all, if my ideas of statecraft are obvious or glaringly naïve. Am I better just gushing about games or posting cats and finding contentedness in being unheard and unremembered?

I don’t know.

But when I’m depressed, it is easy to assume my life is meaningless and is not even noticed, because that’s the sort of thing depression does. I know this. I won’t be making big, critical choices while I feel this way. But fuck, it hurts. And I’m really sad. And even when I’m not sad, the world seems to be making too many peculiar whines and squeaks, and all the maintenance lights keep flickering on and off.

When I’m less depressed, I’ll be able to judge myself (and state affairs) with better acumen.

And as for Gorsuch (and all of Trump’s future appointments), I suspect he will flourish by deviating away from his conservative supporters, if he chooses to do so (A visit by the spirits of Thomas Becket and Chester A. Arthur might facilitate). And if he chooses otherwise (and unwisely), his sectarian rulings will reflect on Trump for appointing him, and on the GOP’s obstructionism for orchestrating his assignment to the bench. Optimistically speaking, either he will be meticulously fair and meticulously humane, or he’ll be a multiplier of resentment and malevolence against the GOP.

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4 thoughts on “Cat: Yep. It’s depression.

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