Am I depressed because I’m super tired? Or tired because I’m super depressed? Every night, one seems a lot like the other, and I can feel my mood shift if I dawdle at bedtime.
I’ve been, to borrow phrasing from Friedrich Nietzsche, gazing into my abyss, that is, writing about topics that can trigger. I’ve written (and rewritten) about half of the bit, and hope to post soon. But sometimes I get triggered and need to stop. Sometimes I get lost or distracted. Delays demoralize when I’m already depressed, and its easy to start believing my inner voices that I can’t do anything right.
On the I’m just so tired side, I was already feeling fatiguey early this week, possibly due to leaning on coffee too hard, and I went to San Francisco on Wednesday, which normally wipes me out Thursday, so it makes sense my travel-lag might continue into Friday. I feel bad because my Sweetheart was depending on me to help clean up for Easter festivities, and I fell through.
So is it depression? Fatigue? A bit of both and they’re compounding on each other?
Right now it’s hard to care. I just hope I’ll clear the far side soon.